I walk a lonely road...

I have a list of ‘nice blogs’ on the right hand side column of my weblog, there are certain characteristics about each one of these blogs that I love and I am sure I cannot achieve. the outspoken sarcasm and cynicism of Satya, Abilin’s philosophy, Kray’s free flowing amalgamation of myriad emotions and simple narrative, Sujan’s nonchalance about anything that comes his way.
They are all unique in the way they look at life and the way they assimilate each scenario they are put into. But somehow I find their reasons for maintaining a blog totally different from that of mine.
My sole purpose in having a blog was to be able to offload disturbing thoughts in an organized manner so that I can go back to them if ever the need to go back to some of them arises. I have never been a romantic of sorts, true I love certain hues of nature, like a sunset or a sunrise at a beach. I am cynical and I am emotional, but I can offload neither my cynicism nor my emotions confidently in my blog for the fear of being discovered and questioned. Of course, I have the right to remain silent ;) but somehow the idea of remaining silent was never appealing to me.

I was a friend’s place till pretty late last night. On the way back to my room, I could see the changes a job had brought about in me, previously, while in college, I hated returning to my room all alone, I enjoyed the company of people and I was disappointed if there was no one to accompany me back. Yesterday, while walking down the deserted township streets with only a few stray dogs here and there, I had almost accepted the loneliness. I didn’t feel the urge for company neither did I think it was weird to have to walk back all the way alone. Somehow, the idea of being alone has totally been accepted by the subconscious.
And therefore, I walk alone. But this time there’s no fear, for I have figured out my path. The loneliness has been countered; I have successfully devised a mechanism.
I am not afraid of being alone anymore. I have grown beyond the realm of love and hate. I have learnt better than craving for unwelcome companionship. I am ready to face the world all alone till its time. The worst that can happen is that the time might not arrive, or I might just burn out before that time arrives…
Either ways, I prefer being alone.

1 comment:

Ch@ry said...

i wish i could say that - it sure would help in grad school! :) i'm so lonely, it really hurts!