The nightmare refuses to get over!

I don't know if I deserved this. I have no idea what went wrong and I don't even have the inclination to fight it out any more. I just want to escape. Yes, I accept, for this one time, I had rather be an escapist than fight a losing battle.
I don't know how to make contacts or use them, I don't think I am as useless and mundane as the people here make me out to be. I have no idea if all my accomplishments till this date are so insignificant that they don't matter at all to anyone involved today.
I am not fit to join the great clubs on campus, neither am I fit to get decent scores in my papers. Nor do people think that I am worth a pence when it comes to the two painstaking years I spent at Mathura working my arse off on multiple project estimates and piping designs!
Its been a downhill journey since the time I came here and my confidence has been shattered in every possible sphere in life.
Now-a-days I am scared to open my mouth to speak, lest I said something inaccurate and people came after my blood for not being as suave as everyone around them is. I don't even look or feel good these days. Every time I try to pull myself together and try to fight it out, another huge hit grounds me .
Life has become totally insipid now, hardly anything to look forward to any more.

6 comments:

Kartik said...

Talk. Maybe, just walk across the passway and knock on the door. I was in the same situation last year (possibly still am)

Realize what you have realized - something others have not - that this is not what life is all to care about.

GAJANAN PATIL said...

I am not a MBA yet, but one thing I know for sure, in business its only time that can testify any decision and no body else not even the best brains form Harward. So, don't care what others say do what you think say what you think and if I were to higher someone for my company i would hire a person who contradicts more than one who agrees.

Praveer said...

abe mere se poochta.. tu stud hai be.... chinta mat kar.... mere ko bolta .. tere ko overconfident feel kara deta mai.... agle baar blog ke badle mere se baat kar lena .. bas ek cheez hai..tere paintings bahot hi gande hain.... sala modern artist..

The Unreasonable Man said...

Don't get sucked up in the quagmire of self-loathing and self-pity.Its easy to choose this path..and let me tell you its damn addictive!!
So STFU , stand up and fight!!!
Even if you gonna go down..go down fighting man !!!
trust me..you are good :)

Quoting JKR , though I am not a hugeeeeee fan...
"It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew - and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents - that there was all the difference in the world."

Saikat said...

@Unreasonable : Fight I shall, because there's no other way to get out of the arena. The gates open only when the fight ends.

Pushan said...

:)... What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger!!